Turn The Page

For the most part, I am able to cope with everyday life. It's when something does not go as planned or becomes too complex to comprehend at the time. I can quickly unravel and find myself yelling and swearing, slamming stuff around, stomping through the room or my RV. I shake and shudder, convinced I will never be able to figure something out. I turn ugly to the person on the phone I might be trying to sort something out with. So my coping capacity is minimal. I can manage my everyday life in that I can feed, clothe, bathe, medicate without any real issues. If I have to do anything with paperwork, particularly related to work, I unravel like a cheap suit hooked on a car door. If I can make a quick exit, that is usually my choice, but often I feel trapped and so whoever is close by will get it, whether it's the checkout girl, the person on the end of the phone, or someone who cut me off in the car.  Being scolded is another. I had hauled my sewing machine and all the stuff I was...

Some days are diamonds. Some days are rocks. Johnny Cash said this to Tom Petty and then he put it in a song " Walls". That's how things go with my anxiety. Some days I nearly forget that it is a factor affecting my life and the day is an absolute gem while other days feel overwhemingly like rocks. The gems are easy to take. Things work out, and I enjoy the activities of the day, living a normal life. Then the rocks come. Everything I touch seems to turn to shit and I find myself dropping things, breaking things, getting really confused about how to do something, almost like my IQ drops that day. My coping skills retreat and I find myself crying over the smallest things that certainly do not require crying. It is often secondary anxiety. Something has frustrated or upset me and the moment I recognize this, I become anxious and waves of panic roll in. The panic is not rational. I fear very little in this world, so the panic often makes no sense to me. Things that I used to...

I thought a new blog was in order to write about more personal things than my travels and the misadventures of my cat. This space will be for me to write about my recovery from PTSD, and talking through my need for change as a social worker. I have always found comfort in writing about things, some on paper, and some on my blogs. Since my first blog in 2003, I have changed and evolved how and what I wrote on the many blogs that I have carried for years. Only two are current now - this one and my adventure blog. The others are still available, but they will have no new pots. So here is the space for social work, burnout, mental health, vicarious trauma, and who knows what else. I plan to write and possibly try my hand at video blogging (vlog). People often need to connect with a face in order to take in the message, so I want to give it a try and see how it goes. Comments are moderated. Spammers will be blocked. Be kind to yourself and others. Peace out. Sunset at Jordan River